It is the dream of any father or mother to be able to give their children what they want.
The dream of showing that one is a self-sufficient father or mother goes through many causes. One of them is the convenience of having “happy” children who do not lack anything.
Many parents shield with money and lack of preparation, their inability to raise their children, and this is one of the worst mistakes that parents make.
No electronic device or object of desire is capable of substituting a present father or mother whenever their children need them.
The result of replacing a father or mother with an electronic or an object of desire has resulted in what I call the tyrannical generation.
The number of cases of children, and, later, adults who become lone, empty vessels, does not stop increasing.
The number of children, who at very young ages take over control of their parents is now growing faster than ever, which is why psychologists gave it a name. It is called the “emperor syndrome”, and defines children and adolescents who abuse their parents without the slightest awareness.
The mother is usually the first and main victim of the small tyrant, who will then extend the abuse to other members of the family unless a remedy is found, explains psychologist José Antonio Ramadan.
Emperor children grow out of control to the point they accused their parents of not providing what they want. Some adolescents even take their parents to Court and accuse them of “abuse” for not providing what they want.
But what are the causes of this evil that turns family life into hell?
According to experts, there are different factors that can crown an emperor at home, but the one that is most emphasized is the lack of dedication of the parents.
The problem often originates in absent parents who, to alleviate their feeling of guilt for the time, do not spend enough time with the child, but get them used to having all they want.
With this, they convey to the child the message that, despite their affective solitude, he or she is the center of the universe and that adults are there to satisfy all their demands.
Many times parents give in for fear that the anger with their children will get out of hand, but the real solution is to set limits from a very early age.
Not setting limits is often the first cause of the growing emperor children epidemic. If the parents do not devote enough time to parenting by delegating to third parties, they will not have time to educate their children on rules of conduct, which will make the “king” of the house feel like he has total control.
Psychologists say that no child is born being a tyrant, but that there are parents who do not act as adult educators, since “they make all kinds of concessions to avoid problems and in the end what they generate is a problem.
We have given them many rights, but we have not transferred their duties. We have lost the principle of authority. We wanted to be friends with our children.
To be an only child. Not having siblings does not necessarily lead to becoming an emperor if the parents are aware of their educational function, but it can contribute to the child feeling a lonely monarch.
It is very interesting to analyze the effects that the Chinese one-child policy has had on the psychology of an entire generation.
In an article for the British newspaper The Independent, the journalist Steve Connor spoke of a “Chinese army of small emperors”, the result of the overprotection of the only offspring by parents and grandparents, who want to give them the luxuries and privileges that they had denied.
This, added to the increase of the income per capita of the families, has multiplied the “small tyrants” to unsuspected limits.
Connor says today’s Chinese children are less altruistic and confident, more timid, less competitive, more pessimistic and less considerate of others.
The start of the generation that grew up with so little attention from their parents is so difficult that it is already called the ‘Emperor’s syndrome’.
Except in psychiatric disorders, the emperor syndrome is the product of an educational dysfunction that can be corrected.
Psychologists, then, propose three points of action:
Encourage the development of emotional intelligence and awareness
To do this, parents must help their children recognize their emotions and those of others, focusing on empathy and inviting them to practice altruistic acts so they can see their effect on others.
Teach them to cultivate non-violent skills. In a house where adults scream and threaten, we will hardly ever get the children to communicate in a calm way.
Parents should set an example and practice respectful dialogue and listening with them.
Put clear barriers
Parents should not tolerate violence or deception.
These are red lines that the child should know he can not cross, no matter how many strategies he uses to put them to the test.
The limits give security to children who feel lost if there are no guidelines for behavior in the home.
Parents need to take the authority and not give in to the child’s attempts to get away with it.
Many times parents give in for fear that the anger will get out of hand.
The solution is to explain the limits and reinforce the positive aspects of the child.
The clarity in these barriers, the positive reinforcement and, above all, dedicating time to children will give them the security to develop as autonomous and happy people.